He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
