im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
