you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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