it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
