Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
