I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
