just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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