I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You pole danced in your parka.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
