I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
