So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
