i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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