All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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