I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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