the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize