i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
