On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
