Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
