whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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