Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
