i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
