I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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