i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
