Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
