Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
