forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
