I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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