I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
