the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize