Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize