Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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