Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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