There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
