it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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