too bad you live with your parents still
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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