all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
