at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I want her autograph on my taint
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
