Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
