i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
