So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
