Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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