watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize