yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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