I bet he comes in French.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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