We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
