stop calling my apartment porn island.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
