Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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