Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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