yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
