I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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