he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
