Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize