how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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