Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
