My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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