I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
