Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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