i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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