Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
