you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
