new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
