How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
