Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize