the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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