Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
