Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize