i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
