your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
People in love make me want to vomit
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I deserve this hangover.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
