Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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