Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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