I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize