he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
