I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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