all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
