She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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