Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
