So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
