You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
