fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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