you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
