I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
