I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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