I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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